Habits are good and bad things. We forget that sometimes. We usually only talk about bad ones, but we probably have more good ones than bad. We take showers or baths every day, usually without thinking about it, or why we're doing it. We're used to bathing. That's a good habit. A lot of habits we've had for so long we can get to a point were we don't even know how it started. When you put your shoes on do you put one on and tie them and then put the other on, or do you put both shoes on at the same time and then tie them? Whichever you do, you probably don't know why you do it that particular way, you just always have.
During World War II the US Army was faced with many problems, one of which was they were having a difficult time raising llamas in New Jersey. This was because Germany had cut off American supply routes to South America, where the Army used to getting their llamas or, more accurately, their llama dung. Since Jersey llamas weren't working, someone asked the obvious question of why they needed the dung in the first place. And investigation was conducted, and what they found was that during the days of the cavalry , back in the 1800's, the Army was having a terrible time with horses wearing new saddles throwing their new riders in training. It was found that the smell of new leather was making the horses jumpy, and if the leather was treated with llama dung first the smell no longer bothered the horses and they, in turn, stopped breaking the arms and necks of young cadets. Of course by WWII the Army had phased out the cavalry, but not their need for leather. In WWII there was no Air Force as it is now, there was the Army Air Corp, and it was still part of the Army. The army planes used leather seats, and Army specifications for obtaining leather still carried the same requirement for treating the leather with llama dung. Since airplanes are not known to be made jumpy by the smell of new leather the specifications were then changed, but it just goes to show how you can get used to a way of doing things and eventually forget why you were doing it in the first place.
I am still in the process of trying to unearth old habits that no longer make any sense. It isn't very easy. For one I still find myself to be a terrible procrastinator. This stems from more depressed times when I was saturated with the notion that nothing would ever get better and that there was no point in trying. I don't live in those times anymore, and I don't feel that way anymore (much), and yet I find myself, I think purely out of habit, discouraged from taking actions that I know will help. This happens a lot when I need to clean house. Cleaning seemed unbearably difficult as a child, and while it's fairly easy for me to do now I still get feelings that it is a hopeless endeavor. Instead of using tools that I have acquired I revert back to giving up. Then the mess gets worse which adds to the feeling that it's a lost cause.
I face a similar problem at work. When I feel discouraged or upset about something I want to withdraw, to sulk. I know this won't work. I know I have many better tools to use. Yet my impulse is to do just that. This is irritating to me. I have to fight to use these other tools, even though I know using them is easier than shooting myself in the foot. I have no reason to sulk other than it is what I'm used to. I don't even like to sulk, but again, it is what I'm used to.
Watching TV, or mindlessly surfing the internet, is another form of avoidance I'm battling against. I don't think I'm really even avoiding anything in particular half of the time I do it, I think it's just a learned behavior. After so many years of depression it's like I have to remind myself there are other choices. I am free to do things that I like. I just need to keep reminding myself of that.
